Dear Professor Brad,
My name is Lim Yong Kiat. I am a Year 1 Mechanical
Engineering student in SIT attending your module Critical Thinking and Communicating.
Prior to enrolling here, I graduated from Ngee Ann
Polytechnic with a Diploma in Aerospace Technology and served as a Marine
Engineer onboard a frigate class warship in the Singapore Navy. As I moved up
the ranks, I started to review Standard Operating Procedures (SOP) and pitch my
projects to the higherups in the flotilla. It was then when I realised a small
improvement can have a significant impact on the life of others.
One of my more notable projects was I raised a procurement to
buy an extendable filter opening tool from Shopee as different ships have
different ways of opening filters, some of which may be time consuming due to a
lack of proper tools. After which I wrote a simple SOP to illustrate how to use
the tool properly.
My passion for engineering can be traced back to when I was
young. Since young I love to play computer games. My favourite game was Warcraft
III, a game under the genre: Massive Online Battle Arena (MOBA). When you
look from another perspective, there is engineering involved in every aspect of
it — calculating the damage done, which moves to make, how to make a comeback
from a setback etc. A fun fact about me is I almost went pro in Esports however
the reality of serving the nation pulled me back.
My strength in communicating is my ability
to read between the lines. It is one of the most important skills I’ve picked
up when I was working in the Navy. No bosses would sit down patiently and guide
me through A to Z. However, from their instructions, I can infer what
needed to be done and what followed.
My weakness, like most others, is public speaking. I was not
exposed to an environment where I went up the stage to give a speech frequently. Therefore,
when it comes to giving a speech to a mass crowd, I tend to start staggering. Even if I am fully prepared, everything went blank when I presented.
Luckily, the exposure in the workforce shaped me bit by bit.
Looking ahead, my goal for this course would be to become a
confident speaker. One that can deliver my message across effectively. This
goal may be natural to others, but it is in fact a step out of my comfort zone.
In conclusion, this self-introduction merely scratches the
surface of who I am. I believe that each experience, no matter how big or small,
contributes to the tapestry of one’s character, and I am excited to see what future holds by attending your classes.
Thsi is a very informative letter, Yong Kiat. I especially appreciate learning about your gaming experience and how you nearly went pro. I also am impressed by how you describe the project you did in the navy.
ReplyDeleteThere are a few language issues in this letter:
1. punctuation
-- A fun fact about me is I almost went pro in Esports however the reality of serving the nation pulled me back. > A fun fact about me is I almost went pro in Esports; however, the reality of serving the nation pulled me back.
--
2. verb tense
-- No bosses would sit down patiently and guide me through A to Z. However, from their instructions, I can infer what needed to be done and what followed. > (verb tense inconsistency) ?
-- Even if I am fully prepared, everything went blank when I presented. > (general statement of truth? present or past?)
3. word choice
-- ... when it comes to giving a speech to a mass crowd, I tend to start staggering. > (staggering?)
4. sentence fragment
-- One that can deliver my message across effectively. > (main subject and main verb?)
I look forward to learning more about you this term.
Cheers,
Brad
Thank you for your comments, I have re-uploaded my self-introduction below.
DeleteHi Yong Kiat, this letter really surprised me with the vast amount of experience you have in the engineering field. Your letter was able to provide multiple personal experiences which shaped your interest and passion in engineering. The examples given were also detailed and provided a personal touch which keeps it engaging. The self-introduction is very well structured as well, moving smoothly from your background to your strengths and weaknesses in communication. This flow is logical and makes it easy for the reader to follow.
ReplyDeleteI do wish however, that the examples on the strength and weakness can be elaborated on, and to close off the paragraph a link would also aid in supporting your main point. Other than that, the letter was a great read which has provided me with a glimpse into your personal aspirations and goals as a fellow classmate.
I look forward to working with you in the upcoming weeks and trimesters to come. Cheers!
Dear Professor Brad,
ReplyDeleteMy name is Lim Yong Kiat. I am a Year 1 Mechanical Engineering student in SIT attending your module Critical Thinking and Communicating.
Prior to enrolling here, I graduated from Ngee Ann Polytechnic with a Diploma in Aerospace Technology and served as a Marine Engineer onboard a frigate class warship in the Singapore Navy. As I moved up the ranks, I started to review Standard Operating Procedures (SOP) and pitch my projects to the higherups in the flotilla. It was then when I realised the smallest improvement can have a significant impact on the life of others.
One of my more notable projects was I raised a procurement to buy an extendable filter opening tool from Shopee as different ships have different ways of opening filters, some of which may be time consuming due to a lack of proper tools. After which I wrote a simple SOP to illustrate how to use the tool properly.
My passion for engineering can be traced back to when I was young. Since young I love to play computer games. My favourite game was Warcraft III, a game under the genre: Massive Online Battle Arena (MOBA). When you look from another perspective, there is engineering involved in every aspect of it — calculating the damage done, which moves to make, how to make a comeback from a setback etc. A fun fact about me is I almost went pro in Esports, however, the reality of serving the nation pulled me back.
My strength in communicating is my ability to read between the lines. It is one of the most important skills I’ve picked up when I was working in the Navy. In a dynamic environment where guidance was more implicit than explicit, I started to be able to decipher the underlying requirements from my superiors.
My weakness, like most others, is public speaking. I was not exposed to an environment where I went up the stage to give a speech frequently. Therefore, when it comes to giving a speech to a mass crowd, I tend to stutter. It was worse when I was younger where my whole body would start to convulse unintentionally. Even though I was fully prepared, everything went blank when I presented. Luckily, the exposure in the workforce shaped me bit by bit.
Looking ahead, my goal for this course would be to become a confident speaker capable of delivering my message across effectively. This goal may be natural to others, but it is in fact a step out of my comfort zone.
In conclusion, this self-introduction merely scratches the surface of who I am. I believe that each experience, no matter how big or small, contributes to the tapestry of one’s character, and I am excited to see what future holds by attending your classes.
Best regards,
Yong Kiat